By: Elizabeth Davis, Utah State University Extension associate professor, Elilzabeth.Davis@usu.edu and Naomi Brower, USU Extension professor, Naomi.Brower@usu.edu
Adolescent relationships can bring joy, fun, and shape a child’s future interactions. Developing social skills during adolescence influences friendships, romantic relationships, school, and work. Parents play a crucial role in modeling healthy relationships and guiding their children through early friendships and romantic attachments.
According to an article on Nemours TeensHealth, healthy relationships share key traits:
- Mutual respect – Boundaries and privacy are honored.
- Trust – Both parties believe in each other’s integrity.
- Honesty – Openness fosters trust and connection.
- Fairness and equality – There is a balance of give and take.
- Support – Partners encourage each other in good times and bad.
- Good communication – Issues are discussed calmly and respectfully.
- Fighting fair – Disagreements are handled with honesty and without insults.
- Individuality – Each person maintains their own interests and friendships.
- Self-confidence – Secure individuals respect differing opinions.
Conversely, unhealthy relationships exhibit red flags. The University of Alabama Counseling Center encourages those dating to watch for these unhealthy traits:
- Controlling behavior – One person dominates decisions and isolates the other.
- Criticism and disrespect – Insults, emotional manipulation, or belittling.
- Dishonesty – Lying, withholding information, or stealing.
- Dependence – Excessive reliance on the other person.
- Intimidation and hostility – Frequent conflict, fear, or threats.
- Physical or sexual violence – Includes any form of coercion or harm.
Research shows that one in three young people experience an unhealthy relationship. Parents should watch for these signs:
- Sudden secrecy or isolation.
- High stress, anxiety, or depression.
- Extreme changes in appearance or eating habits.
- Loss of interest in hobbies.
- Fear of a friend or partner’s reaction.
- Defending unacceptable behaviors.
- Hiding bruises or unexplained injuries.
If an adolescent is in an unhealthy relationship, it can be difficult for parents to intervene. Instead of forcing a solution, provide guidance and open communication. Consider these tips.
- Clarify relationship terms – Discuss what dating, hanging out, or hooking up means.
- Discuss relationship readiness – Conversations about one-on-one dating should happen before it begins. Pediatricians often recommend youth wait until they are at least age 16.
- Keep communication open – Talk about their friendships and listen more than you speak.
- Model healthy relationships – Demonstrate respect, boundaries, and problem-solving in your relationships to help teach children what to expect in their own relationships.
- Help set boundaries – Guide adolescents in establishing and maintaining healthy limits.
Balancing concern for safety while allowing autonomy can be difficult. Parents can support their children’s independence while ensuring their well-being by providing transportation to activities, encouraging group outings, meeting their children’s friends and parents, and ensuring there is adult supervision at events and activities.
Early conversations about relationships help preteens navigate friendships and dating in a healthy way. By fostering open dialogue and setting positive examples, parents can guide their children toward strong, respectful relationships.
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