Mindfulness can help you more fully enjoy what matters most– including your spouse! Try these seven tips to be more mindful in your marriage.

We live in a fast-paced world, and if we aren’t careful, life can slip by without us fully enjoying the people and things we love most. Being mindful, or maintaining an awareness of your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surroundings, can help you be more mentally, emotionally and physically present, and more fully enjoy those things and people that matter most. Consider these seven tips for increasing mindfulness in your relationship with your significant other.

1. Practice personal mindfulness.

Practicing personal mindfulness can help create a stronger relationship with your sweetheart. Quieting the excess chatter in your mind will help to steady your emotions and lower your physical and mental stress levels, potentially making you less reactive to your partner’s actions or words. It can also help you to focus on the small, everyday moments with your loved one, such as being fully present when you hug or kiss.

2. Prioritize time with your spouse.

In order for us to connect and be mindful of our partner, we need to have time together. Make your spouse a priority and give him or her your undivided attention, even if it is for 10 minutes every day to check in with them about their day. No TV. No phones. No books. Just each other.

3. Continually learn about each other.

Take time to ask open-ended questions so you can know about what is really going on in their world. The more mindful you are of each other’s hopes, dreams and challenges, the more of a support you can be to each other.

4. Show affection.

Let your partner know that you are mindful of them by showing your love daily through affection. Hold hands, give a lingering full-body hug or a five-second kiss.

5. Play together.

Have fun together and try new things. Show that you are mindful of your partner by trying things that he/she enjoys doing.

6. Express appreciation and compliments.

Show your partner that you are aware of him or her by sharing genuine compliments and words of appreciation daily.

7. Service.

Show your partner that you are mindful of him or her by helping ease their load through small acts of service. Even little things like getting up with the kids, making dinner, or doing a chore you normally don’t do can make a huge difference.

Naomi Brower is an Extension Associate Professor in Weber County specializing in helping others improve the quality of their lives through creating and strengthening their relationships. She earned her master’s degree in Family and Human Development from Utah State University and she is a Certified Family Life Educator. She enjoys hiking, traveling (especially anywhere green) and playing with her husband and adorable little boy.  Contact Naomi at naomi.brower@usu.edu or check out videos and other content at relationships.usu.edu.

References:

Doherty, W. J. (2013). Take back your marriage. New York: NY: The Guildford Press:

Gottman, J. M. & Silver, N. (2007). The seven principles for making marriage work. London, England: Orion Books, Ltd.

Parker, T. (2016, August 24). How to mindfully meditate in marriage. [Web log post]. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/mindfully-meditate-marriage/

Need an excuse for a date night? We’ve got four— that is, four ways date nights can strengthen your relationship.

Make Date Night a Priority

Summertime is a great time to build memories as a family, but don’t forget to also take time for a one-on-one date with your sweetheart too! While it can be a challenge to make arrangements or take the time to get away together, research has shown that having date nights can strengthen your relationship in the following ways:

1. Increasing communication. Time to talk can provide opportunities to reconnect and discover your partner’s newest interests and dreams.
2. Having fun together. Date nights provide an opportunity to get out of the routine, build happy memories and rekindle the spark that can help sustain couples through the tough times.
3. Strengthening commitment. Setting aside time to go on a date demonstrates your commitment to each other and sets an important example to children and others that you value your relationship.
4. Providing stress relief. Date nights allow couples to enjoy time together apart from the pressing concerns of ordinary life.

Make Date Night a Success

In order to make the most of your time together, consider the following tips:

• Make an effort to plan your date, and if needed, budget so you can put money toward nice evenings out. For date ideas, check out 10 Tips for Romance on a Budget.
• Make an effort to look your best by wearing something special for your date (cologne, jewelry, special clothes, etc.).
• Get ready to music that pumps you up!  When you’re listening to music you enjoy, you’ll begin to feel good and radiate positive energy.
• Give compliments. Compliment yourself and your spouse to build self-esteem.
• Make the car ride special. Use the time driving to get to know your partner better and discover their current hopes, dreams and interests.

Join us for a Date Night

Looking for a fun date night? Come to the Take a Hike! Reaching New Heights in Your Marriage Date Night on June 23, where you will explore the great outdoors as you hike together in the beautiful mountains near Salt Lake City. Reach new heights as you participate in additional relationship enhancement activities along the way to the top. Click here for more information.

This Article was written by Naomi Brower, Utah State University Extension professor

For more information, see “The Date Night Opportunity” by Brad Wilcox and Jeff Dew found at http://nationalmarriageproject.org/resources/the-date-night-opportunity/

Win your relationship by finding small ways to connect with the person you love. Learn how in this video from Naomi Brower, Utah State University Extension professor.

Does social media add or detract from your relationship with your partner? Check out these tips on how to use media as a tool to strengthen your relationship.

According to recent statistics, over 97 percent of American adults own a mobile phone, and 67 percent own a smartphone.  In addition, the platforms and mediums for connection are seemingly endless (Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, email, Instagram, WhatsApp, IM etc.).

Increased options for instant connection can have positive and negative impacts on relationships. While online resources can help us stay connected to those we love and increase relationship satisfaction, being constantly connected to the world through online platforms can also potentially lead to neglecting our partners, conflict, less relationship and life satisfaction, and affairs.

Consider the following seven ways to use technology to strengthen your relationships.

1. Checking-in texts. Take a minute during a break to tell your partner you are thinking of him or her or to send a “kiss.”
2. FaceTime/Skype. While media cannot replace actual face-to-face time, it is an important tool that can be used to help couples stay connected. This is particularly true for couples who spend extended periods of time physically apart (e.g. military, those who travel for work, etc.).
3. Facebook Posts. Facebook can be used to publicly express admiration and appreciation for your partner. Photographs, memes, videos and messages can all be used to express affection.
4. Instagram. Instagram can be a great way to share moments and different aspects of your day and life with your partner.  This can be particularly useful for couples who are often physically separated due to work or other circumstances.
5. Email. Emails can be a fun way to share possible gift ideas found online, date night or getaway ideas, silly pictures or jokes or just to check in with each other.
6. Pinterest. Similar to emails, Pinterest can be used to collect fun date night ideas, funny pictures to share with each other, or to create a dream board for future events or goals.
7. YouTube and Videos. Videos can be a fun way to connect with each other if you are watching, discussing and/or laughing about them together.

While using media to express affection and commitment can be a great boost to relationships, in order to prevent misunderstandings or frustration, be sure to also discuss boundaries for technology with your partner (keeping profiles public, being open and honest about technology use and who you are communicating with, having technology-free zones or time while you are together, etc.). By having an open and honest discussion and agreeing on boundaries as a couple, you can better ensure that technology will be a benefit rather than a detriment to your relationship.

This article was written by Naomi Brower, Utah State University Extension professor, naomi.brower@usu.edu, 801-399-8206, and Elizabeth Davis, Utah State University Extension Family and Consumer Sciences Assistant Professor for Kane County,  elizabeth.davis@usu.edu 

Interested in strengthening your marriage? Read on!

Research has found that married couples are healthier, wealthier and their children do better in school than those who are unmarried or divorced.  But, marriage can be challenging! Gaining skills and tools of healthy relationships can keep relationships happy and strong. Here are tips to keep relationship strong in five important areas of relationships:

Commitment

Being committed to each other is the first step in a good relationship. As part of thinking about “we” instead of “me,” it is important to understand and discuss each other’s personalities and needs.

Communication

Learning and practicing healthy communication skills such as “I messages” and good listening skills can show your partner that you value your relationships and promote positive communication.

Financial Harmony

Understanding each other’s money styles, keeping a budget, and setting financial goals as a couple can all help you to help you grow closer together rather than having finances be a source of frustration and contention in relationships.

Strengthening Your Friendship

Investing in your relationship with quality time, finding small ways to show that you care, and maintaining a positive mind set can strengthen your relationship.

Protect Your Marriage

Learning how to cope with conflict effectively, and learning traits of safe and happy relationships can help you protect your marriage from negative outside influences.

Learn More

Join us for a fun and interactive class to learn more about these five important areas and strengthen your relationship. Register Here

This article was written by Naomi Brower, USU Extension associate professor, Weber County

Happy Family Friday! This week learn how to approach conflict in a relationship or marriage.

It can be hard to approach your partner when there is conflict in a relationship or marriage. Oftentimes, humans err in three ways when there is something difficult to discuss: 1) We become too aggressive, saying things in a harsh tone that we will later regret; 2) We are not assertive enough, shutting down quickly when trying to explain our point of view; or 3) We avoid confrontation entirely because we don’t like conflict or feel it won’t help. Fall within one of these three categories? Try using assertive statements the next time an issue arises.

Assertive Statements

Assertive statements are loving ways to express a thought, feeling or desire that could create tension or conflict within a relationship; each statement is finished with something you’d like to see changed, such as:

1. What I would like from you in our relationship is…
2. What I could do for you that would help our relationship is…
3. What I would like for you to do more in our relationship is…
4. What I would like for us to do differently is…

If you’d like to create your own assertive statements, make sure they identify what you are feeling in the situation and are not accusatory to your partner. Using “I” based assertive statements rather than accusatory “you” statements allows you to acknowledge your feelings in a non-threatening and inoffensive way. This act of less accusation will lead to a more conducive environment for problem solving, which is vital in building happy, healthy relationships.

Learn more

Want to learn more tips for your relationships? Healthy Relationships Utah offers FREE Couple LINKS courses that teach concepts like assertive statements and many others. This research-based course is great for couples who want to build happy relationships or repair distressed ones. To learn more, visit healthyrelationshipsutah.org.

This article was written by Megan Hargraves, Media Specialist with Healthy Relationships Utah, megan.hargraves@usu.edu.

Utah State University Extension co-sponsors the Northern Utah Marriage Celebration held at the Weber State University Shepherd Union Building Friday, Feb. 6, from 4 to 9:30 p.m.

Designed as a date night for those who want to prepare for or strengthen their marriage, the marriage celebration features workshops presented by professionals from Northern Utah. Workshops include such topics as intimacy, communication and staying connected. Keynote presenter is Liz Hale, Studio 5 marriage and family coordinator and former radio host of the Dr. Liz Hale Show,who will address “Creating the Best Ever Marriage.” Hale is a licensed clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist and has worked in the field for 23 years. Her presentation concludes the evening.

The conference begins at 6 p.m. and includes two workshop sessions. Bonus workshop sessions, including topics on second marriages, finances and others, are available from 4 to 5 p.m. with entertainment by nationally recognized musician Greg Simpson from 5 to 6 p.m.

“We are excited about this conference,” said Naomi Brower, Utah State University Extension family and consumer sciences faculty for Weber County. “We have a fantastic lineup of speakers and we are confident that those who attend will come away with information and skills to enhance their relationship.”

Tickets are available by calling 1-800-888-TIXX, by visiting www.smithstix.com or at Smith’s Tix box offices. Early registration is $30 a couple or $20 an individual throughJanuary 25. Tickets purchased after January 25 are $40 a couple or $25 an individual. A limited number of tickets may be available at the door and purchased with cash or check only. More information can be found at www.strongermarriage.org.

Additional co-sponsors for the Northern Utah Marriage Celebration are Strongermarriage.org and Weber State University.

Author – Carolyn Washburn

Marriage is important to Americans. Married couples are healthier, wealthier and their children do better in school.  More than 90 percent of Americans will marry, however about 50 percent of these relationships will end in divorce.

Did you know that a game changer for your marriage might be just 6 hours?

Research tells us that couples who spend 6 hours a year in relationship enrichment maintain strong relationships.

This might be:

• taking the time to attend a couple’s retreat or conference,
• reading marriage enrichment materials,
• trying marriage enrichment activities found online.

Making a commitment to keep your relationship strong will be the best gift you can give each other and your children. And, don’t forget that those weekly date nights are a critical component for healthy relationships.

Relationship Tip:  Kindness – the most important element in any relationship!

Check your local area for marriage conferences and classes or visit Marriagesurvival.org (link). Do you have a relationship tip? Share it with us and also check out our Pinterest board on relationships for more fun ideas, links and ways to creatively and easily spend time together.

Author bio – Carolyn Washburn is a family consumer sciences agent for Utah State University Extension. Her responsibilities include financial management education, food safety and nutrition, healthy family relations, emergency preparedness and working with youth. Her goal is to help individuals and families become self-sustaining and resilient by being financially prepared and healthy for any emergency. She serves on the National Disaster Education Network and has just completed the new food storage manual for USDA. Her most cherished award is America’s Promise, awarded by Colin Powell.