The past few years have been full of change, adjustment, and relearning. While we are all learning to navigate these changes in addition to other normal life challenges, parents also have the added responsibility to help their children. Consider these tips on how to help your child successfully navigate changes.

1. Be open and honest. Children look to caring adults for advice and guidance. Talk about potential changes and what they can expect. Be as open as possible with them about your thoughts and feelings, while also being sensitive to what they can understand developmentally. Acknowledge their fears and answer their questions the best that you can.
2. Help children explore their feelings about change. Encourage children to use writing, drawing or other creative methods to explore their feelings about changes.
3. Involve children in decisions about change. While they may not be able to control changes they are experiencing, including them in decisions can help them feel more in control.
4. Keep their routine as normal as possible. Children need stability and structure. Daily, predictable routines can provide comfort, stability, and dependability to children, especially during times of change.
5. Put yourself in their shoes. When compared to adults, children have limited experiences. Some things that are very important to them may seem insignificant to adults that have more experience and perspective. Make an effort to see situations from your child’s perspective and respond with empathy.
6. Get support. Work together with teachers and child care providers to support children through big changes. When needed, seek professional help for support.

Change is inevitable and will happen to everyone. By following these tips, you can know you are doing what you can to support youth in adapting to changes successfully.

Additional resources:

Signs of distress in children and how to help them reduce stress and support their well-being: https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-care/how-to-recognize-signs-of-distress

Teaching children positive coping skills:  https://www.easternflorida.edu/community-resources/child-development-centers/parent-resource-library/documents/positive-coping-skills-during-life-changes.pdf

References

Dalton, L., Rapa, E., & Stein, A. (2020) Protecting the psychological health of children through effective communication about COVID-19. The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health, 4(5), 346-347. https://www.thelancet.com/action/showPdf?pii=S2352-4642%2820%2930097-3

Stephens, K. (2007). Ways to teach children positive coping skills during life changes. Parenting Exchange. https://www.easternflorida.edu/community-resources/child-development-centers/parent-resource-library/documents/positive-coping-skills-during-life-changes.pdf

Unicef. (n.d.) How to recognize signs of distress in children. https://www.unicef.org/parenting/child-care/how-to-recognize-signs-of-distress

By Naomi Brower, Extension Professor and AJ Evans, USU Extension Intern

As fall temperatures cool, spider encounters in homes become more common. This happens as spiders near the end of their life cycles and are searching for mates and places to lay their egg sacks. Fortunately, these encounters do not need to be scary, as most species of regional spiders are not risky to humans.

Spiders are highly beneficial to the environment and people. They are predators of insects and are also an excellent food source for insects and wildlife that we often enjoy, including praying mantises, birds, and mammals. The vast majority of spiders are also unaggressive and can even be considered docile. They come in a wide array of colors and shapes, and their diversity in ecology and behavior is truly incredible. So, perhaps they should be appreciated more than feared.

Common spiders you may see this fall include cellar spiders, wolf spiders, and hobo spiders.

Cellar spiders are named because of their habit of gathering in dark, cool, and moist places – usually cellars. Their cobwebs can often be seen in ceiling joists forming large mats. Having only six eyes and a “violin” pattern behind their eyes, these spiders can resemble brown recluse spiders to the untrained eye. Cellar spiders are not dangerous to people.

Wolf spiders are aptly named because of their hunting methods of stalking, ambushing, pouncing, and capturing prey. This is a contrast to other spiders that use webs to capture their prey. Wolf spiders have an easily identified eye pattern – four smaller eyes on the bottom, two large eyes in the center, and two smaller eyes on top. Giant wolf spiders (1.5” to 2” in diameter) are commonly encountered in Utah in the fall. Like other wolf spiders, they are not of medical concern.

Hobo spiders are one of the most common indoor spiders found in northern Utah. It is currently undetermined if their bite causes necrotic lesions in humans. Hobos cannot be identified by color alone, but they can be identified by the Utah Plant Pest Diagnostic Lab (UPPDL) at USU. Visit the website at extension.usu.edu/pests/uppdl/ for information and instructions on how to submit a sample. Remember that there are related spiders that look similar to hobos. Grass spiders are often responsible for the small funnel webs abundant in shrubs and grass, and they are not harmful to people.

If you have been bitten, the only way to confirm the spider’s identity is to collect it and have it identified. You can rarely identify spider bites based on symptoms alone, especially if the bite marks are no longer visible. If you experience a reaction to a bite or have symptoms that mimic a severe bite, seek medical attention. Overall, spiders in Utah carry a very low risk when you consider their abundance, presence, and behavior.

By: Nick Volesky, Utah State University Extension Integrated Pest Management team, Nick.Volesky@usu.edu, with information from Zach Schumm and Ryan Davis, former Extension arthropod diagnosticians

Disagreements with someone you love can be challenging. The conversations can be uncomfortable, especially about firmly held beliefs. Differences in religious beliefs or spirituality can even become a source of pain and discontent if not addressed in a respectful and accepting manner. 

According to the Pew Research Center, the religious landscape of the United States is rapidly changing. With adults who identify as non-affiliated, atheist, or agnostic increasing yearly, changes and differences in religiosity and spirituality have the potential to negatively impact relationships. This is further complicated because these things affect more than Sunday worship, including decisions on parenting, finances, and friendships. Even couples practicing the same religion may not agree on religious or spiritual practices, including how often to attend church service or engage in church activities. It is important for couples to recognize the pitfalls and potential for hurt when engaging in a mixed faith relationship or when one partner’s beliefs change, no longer aligning with their spouse’s beliefs. 

In spite of the challenges that come from significantly different beliefs, there are many mixed-faith marriages and relationships that thrive.

Consider these tips from John Gottman, psychologist, author, and relationship expert, to help navigate religious differences in intimate relationships. 

1. Explore your own relationship with your faith.
There is a difference between identifying with a religion or spiritual practice and engaging in that faith. Explore your religious or spiritual identity and what that means to you. It is necessary to understand your own faith identity in order to navigate the differences with your partner. Here are some questions to consider:

• Did you grow up in a religious or spiritual household? If so, what was practiced? What was your experience like?
• What brings you peace? What helps you get through hard times?
• Which aspects of your religious or spiritual beliefs do you hold onto tightly?
• Which aspects do you feel more flexible about?

 
2. Acknowledge the differences and what they will mean for your life together.
Avoidance is not a sustainable option. It is important to identify the differences that may affect you so you can plan together on how to best manage them as a couple. According to Gottman, 69% of problems in relationships are perpetual, meaning they are not solvable. While that number sounds high, it is reassuring to know that this is normal and includes happily functioning couples. Instead of trying to change the other person’s mind or beliefs, approach these conversations with curiosity and interest, try to understand your partner’s point of view, and realize that this is an opportunity to increase your love for them.

The way you start a conversation can predict how the rest of the conversation will go or be perceived. Be intentional in your tone of voice and the words you use to initiate a conversation. Using soft start-up techniques such as “I messages” and positive statements to start conversations allows your partner to better receive and understand what you are saying.

3. Share stories
Sharing stories is a great way for you and your partner to get to know each other better. Share about your cultural and religious experiences in a way that is not threatening and invites understanding.
 
4. Participate before negotiating. 
It’s important to show genuine interest and curiosity in your partner’s beliefs and practices. Go with them to their religious events and services. This is not a promise to leave your own beliefs and convert, but it is a powerful way to communicate that you value them and are embracing who they are. 
 
5.  Make Repairs. 
Mistakes are inevitable. Don’t beat yourself up, just apologize and move forward. Well-used humor (not sarcasm) can help ease tense moments. The main goal of making a repair is to determine what when wrong (without blaming) and resume being on the same team to address an issue instead of treating each other as the issue that needs to be fixed.
 
6. Consider therapy.
Talking about faith is deeply personal and can be hard, despite our best efforts. Some differences might seem impossible to overcome. Seeking the help of a professional can provide relief. Find a therapist who specializes in helping interfaith couples.
It is unlikely that you will change someone else’s views, feelings, or beliefs on the topic of religion or spirituality, but you can practice respecting each other’s beliefs and purposely refrain from criticizing or attempting to sway them.

Gottman maintains that disagreements provide an opportunity for increased intimacy and connection, and religious differences provide an opportunity for increased respect, understanding, and love.Working Through Religious Differences in Marriage

By: Elizabeth Davis, Utah State University Extension professor, Elizabeth.Davis@usu.edu

Autumn is officially here, and there is much to look forward to – pumpkins on the porch, apple cider, cooler temperatures, and walks through crunchy leaves. But before you get too comfortable, don’t forget there are yard and garden end-of-season tasks to complete. Here are tips from the Utah State University Extension Gardeners Almanac to help. Included are links to fact sheets and videos for further information.

• Learn about average first and last frost dates around the state.
• Consider adding a smaller structure such as a low tunnel or a larger high tunnel to extend your growing season. Take note of varying construction and modification information.
• Learn how and when to harvest winter squash and store in a cool (50-55°F), dry location.
• Plant garlic cloves from mid-October through early November.
• Refer to this list of fall cleanup chores and good landscape practices to get your yard ready for winter.
• Remove vegetable plants from the garden once harvest is complete to reduce overwintering sites for insect pests.
• Protect tomatoes from early frost by covering the plants with a blanket or tarp.
• Place mulch over carrots, beets and parsnips to prevent the ground around them from freezing.
• Rototill leaves, compost, or manure into the vegetable garden to enhance soil microbe activity.
• Prune roses by heading back excessively long canes to prevent damage from heavy snow loads.
• Cut back ornamental grasses in snow-prone areas once the foliage has died down. Otherwise leave them until spring and enjoy the vertical accent during the winter.
• Plant spring-blooming bulbs through early November.
• Plant trees and shrubs in the fall to enhance root establishment.
• Dig tender perennials such as gladiolas, dahlias, begonias, and canna lilies after the foliage has died down, and store them in a cool (45-50 °F), dry place.
• Protect trunks of young trees from winter cracking by wrapping them with a white reflective tree wrap.
• Dig and remove annual flowers.
• Plant cold-hardy annuals, including pansies, primrose, kale, and ornamental cabbage.
• Prune raspberry canes to the ground after they have fruited.
• Control tough perennial weeds such as field bindweed (a.k.a. morning glory). Refer to this list of weed control options.
• Mow grass to a height of 1-to-1½ inches at the end of the season to minimize disease problems.
• Apply a quick-release nitrogen fertilizer after the last mowing (late October to early November) for early greening next spring.

Pests and Problems:

• Send diseased vegetable plants and leaves to the local landfill.
• Use burlap or other soft materials to wrap evergreens to prevent snow breakage.
• Treat stone fruits (cherries, peaches, nectarines, apricots and plums) for coryneum blight at 50% leaf drop.
• Clean up and discard all fallen fruit to reduce overwintering sites for disease and insect pests.
• For more tips, visit garden.usu.edu. Here you will find information on gardening courses, growing and maintaining the yard and garden, drought resources, and the Extension Gardener’s Almanac with tips for each month.

By: Utah State University Extension horticulturists